Fear Of Living Homepage

Question: Does anyone else live in constant fear of something happening to their child? how can i stop this anxiety?

(Posted by: snorky998 on 2008-05-06 14:52:57)

My only son is 18 now, and it seems to me that all his life I have almost been unable to relax and just enjoy parenting because I love him SO much I am scared of losing him. From meningitis and cot death, through school bus trip accidents, and now night club stabbings and car accidents. I know I sound completely over the top anxious...I am!! I have never really told anyone else how I feel inside, but I it is constantly in my thoughts and colours everything I do..I never feel I can relax unless I know where he is, and he is safe. I am NOT an overbearing parent - he knows I worry, but not to the extent I do, and it certainly does not curtail his life. I just feel I am living on a knife edge waiting for something to happen. Wow, thank you SO much for you responses. I am not alone. And it really has nothing to do with recent publicity - Madeleine etc - I have been feeling like this for 18 years. I guess it just comes as part and parcel of being a parent.

Posted by: Angeliz on 2008-05-06, 15:24:19

Hi, i am glad i'm not the only one who worries so much. I understand how you feel & it is hard on me too. I worry all of the time even though my son's are 30 & 28yrs old, like you i have worried since they were small but more so now because of the dangers in our society today. I have to know where my son is all the time & i panic if i can't get through on their mobile phones. I get annoyed with myself at times as they are not little boys anymore but i love them so much i am so scared of anything happening to them, it is a terrible feeling & rules my life, it is like having no control of them anymore like when they were young i could protect them by telling them what time to come home etc but now they are too old to be told & have to make their own mistakes in life & learn from them, it is so hard & i feel for you but try not to worry so much because there isn't anything you can do to change it. I worry so much i even imagine the worse has happened to see how i would cope & it's terrible, sometimes i think i should seek help as it rules my life so much. At least your not alone,. It is just the deep love we have for them & that is it. Take Care. LOL x

Posted by: joanne742660 on 2008-05-06, 14:56:41

You're normal!! We all feel that way, I know I do.

Posted by: trb331 on 2008-05-06, 14:58:14

I know what you mean. In general I can always imagine something really bad is going to happen. And I have some really terrible moments. But I can laugh about them later. I try to accept that things might happen, but still get on with living. I'll deal with them, if and when. No point in worrying I hate to think what I would be like if something did happen. But you do just have to get on with it. NB - I'm watching a programme about Amy Winehouse just now and worrying about what i would do if my 8 year old turned out that way.

Posted by: Dave J on 2008-05-06, 15:00:02

I don't think that this is your fault at all, i think it is the media, filling our homes with terror and dread and fear every day - my parents never worried about me, but me and my partner worry about the big bad world that our 7 month old will be growing up into! i think the only thing we can do is not watch TV, read papers, listen to the radio!!!

Posted by: Crazy on 2008-05-06, 15:01:50

I think that it's natural instinkt.I'm sure your son will be OK if you keep controling him or I should say if you keep looking after him.I think you are good parent and I think you know where ,whith who what your Son is doing at any time?

Posted by: Dana A on 2008-05-06, 15:03:53

Parents, especially mothers, frequently worry about their children. I don't know what to do about it. If you lose a lot of sleep over it, or it interferes with your life, maybe you should talk to a counselor about it. Dana (M.S. Counseling)

Posted by: H'ch on 2008-05-06, 15:06:22

Omg I've been the same since the birth of my first child 17 years ago ....went on to have two more and the feeling r the same ...especially when when my middle child got ran over thankfully he survived then my youngest got meningitis..the feeling of motherhood are very scary...but you not alone sweet

Posted by: HOTSTAR on 2008-05-06, 15:07:58

You are not ALONE!! i am the same, i can't sleep so many days, jump up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night if the phone rings i am terrified that something happened to my girl.. shouting prayers fr them in the middle of the night.. Now, my first daughter is going off to some school trip to Europe this weekend and i am biting my nails. when the kids are with me, under my very eyes, i feel ok otherwise, i am panic, panic and can' t even breathe.. the world is so evil these days and i feel it is not safe fr the kids. i love my girls so much, and they are so precious -it is a very worry all the time..

Posted by: rnmomof4 on 2008-05-06, 15:08:41

Every parent worries about their children... there was just a boy's body uncovered in NJ... I used to babysit him when he was a baby. I am sure his parents never imagined burrying him so young, 19. I have 4 young children and I am a lunatic about safety rules and 'stranger' role play... especially before the go on field trips and I won't be there, gun safety, and all the bullying that goes on at school. I already plan to follow them around if I think they are lying to me as they get older! Society today is so different than all of the former generations... and our kids will probably say the same when they are parents. I think worrying is normal, but if it is interferring with your daily life and prohibiting you from functioning, you might need to talk with someone about your fears. Don't let them master you. If you have a good relationship with your son, have taught him how to be a responsible man, and trust him and his judgement, you will have to learn to relax, and enjoy this amazing young man you are so in love with! Maybe you could plan a weekly lunch together and "bond " (aka-get the dirt on all his friends/ families/ work/ school etc.) so you know you are in touch with his world and understand it, plus he will always know he is loved and can count on you to be there. Good Luck mommy and happy mother's day!!

Posted by: truth on 2008-05-06, 15:11:49

I thought i was the only 1 thinking that way!!!! i knw what u mean...my boy is only 3 and im already thinking of the happenings well ahead of time...the worst thought i have is him being kidnapped whilst on holiday...but we gotta realise worrying 'too much' makes it worse for us...think of the days gone by nothing major happened then...y think so drastic for the future...let them live their lives and enjoy living your own with him...worrying is part of parenthood..

Posted by: ivanna know on 2008-05-06, 15:17:29

I don't feel you are being an overbearing parent at all. I'm 35, mother of two 12 year olds and anytime my ex takes my kids to the beach I worry a great deal about them being pulled under water, so I 'm always insisting they are not to swim with out a trusted, experienced swimmer with in arms reach. Also when they go to a park or their at one of my son's games, my eyes are glued to them. I will not let them stay home alone yet or be outside without my supervision.It's quite simple why we worry as parents. There are a lot of sick people in the world who will build the trust of your child to lure them away and harm them. In your case yours is 18 and your more worried about things I will be worried about as well one day when mine are that age. I believe we're well aware of the dangers in society and feel our children are still very nieve. WE LOVE THEM AND FEEL WITHOUT THEM LIFE AS WE ONCE KNEW IT, WOULD BE OVER . Advice I have for you is to share and educate them on all your fears and the dangers out ther, like drinking and driving. I show my children the consequensces they could face as a result of negligence and simply not being careful. I also talk to them a lot about peer pressure and not to be victim to others foolish ways. I tell them I know they are too smart to be followers and that they should be leaders instead and do only what they know is right not what someone else they can't possible know enough to trust tells them. I hope have helped a little GOOD LUCK & BEST WISHES TO YOU & YOUR SON!

Posted by: hjcamanda on 2008-05-06, 23:19:08

I have an 8 and 10 year old and it isa constant fear of mine. I sit around and think of what could happen and try my best to protect them. When they go on a field trip, I feel like I have to follow the bus......I can sometimes make myself physically sick thinking about things. My mom says that it is normal, that the fear of something happening to their children is every mothers fear. I just feel it sometimes overwhelms me. I'm only 29, but have always been pretty protective, as my mother was, which I swore I'd never do. At the ages my children are now, they've only spent the night with my parents and one other friend.